I just had a chat fight with a friend. At least I thought she was a friend. She is kind and generous to a fault, but she is very much: take me as I am or leave me. She is not easy to be friends with because this attitude is very stressfull as it leaves out any consideration for the other party involved. 

I don't know how you handle communications, but when somebody tells me that a certain vein of discussion is making her(him) uncomfortable and there is no need to talk that way, I at least acknowledge the fact and try to avoid such topics. 

Here it was the fact that somebody who doesn't have kids is having not only an opinion regarding my children, something she is entitled to, but an attitude. I can deal with that most of the time, when she doesn't rub it into my face repeatedly. I am a mother. It is a large part of what I am at this moment. And while I get that I am not perfect, I am doing my freaking best. I have my doubts that somebody who doesn't at least have regular and lengthy contact with children actually has anything truly useful to say about how I should raise them (And I realize that that is condecending too, and actually my very best friend does not have children and her insights are very useful but she just has massive people skills). I am not saying they are not entitled to their opinion. So was I ,when I was childless and knew "oh so much"-better, but at least I did not ignore, when somebody told me:; dear, I understand from where you are coming, but in the the end you telling me not even what to do but only that what I am doing wrong or how I am doing it, is wrong (and obviously so) sounds pretty condescending. 

Basically I told her that. And I did it sweetly. I told her that this is how it sounded to me and she said:
I wrote! Writing doesn't sound. It is ALL how you percieve it.

Well then, if this is a purely onesided conversation to the point where I am baiscally imagining what she is saying...what is the point. 


I am so angry at this.

I have been for the longest part of my life always looking at my fault first. Always. Now, her,e I am NOT at fault. I asked nicely that she should stop, she doesn't and when I keep telling her that I have issues with that, she *changes subject* in the most insulting way (talking, sorry no, writing about the weather) and I tell her, Dear if that is what you are doing then I will sign off, this is too silly.  And suddenly I am the villain.

Suddenly what I WROTE sounded offensive.

It is sad. I considered her a friend. I still do, one fight is not going to change that on its face, but I resent the underlying picture of *I don't care what you feel when I talk, it is none of my business*

It may be right and sensible of her to kepp the high ground, but I can't help feeling trampled on.

When people vent about their paid jobs I don't tell them, I am so glad I am unemployed. Or: you choose to work. I understand that they are venting and I listen and offer consolation or advise when asked for. 

I get, that not a lot of people are that Tuned in to other people. But when I flat out say, don't! I feel disrespected when you talk like that , any person of mediocre intelligence ( and I know hers is a lot more than mediocre) should be able to adjust.  at the very least saing I am sorry, that is not what I meant to say or write or whatever.

It is not nice to realize that you just don't matter that much. Because that is what it says. Or is it write?

Bordeline syndrome should not be used as an excuse to not even try.